Successful businesses grow by building relationships.  So the real question is how do folks get to know you, your services, and begin to rely on you as a valuable resource?  Answer: You have to be where your customers are and not just be where they are, you have to be in front of them… presenting at school board meetings, being a community leader, explaining your services to prospective clients, being an active member of your local chamber, co-presenting with architects and other professionals, accepting any opportunity to get on the radio or be a part of a panel discussion.  Yet, how many times have you declined?  How many times have you said, “No?” 

If you have ever thought to yourself, “I wish I could just be myself when I’m speaking,” rest assured you’re not alone.  Unfortunately there isn’t a quick fix.  Changing your speaking habits takes work and time. However, there is no time like the present to begin, so here are a few ideas to get you on your way.

1. Give Yourself a Break
We are harder on ourselves than others are on us. Consequently, we waste too much time worrying what others think.  Our mind races with sabotaging thoughts like, “I can’t believe I just said that, what an idiot!”  Most audience members are extremely forgiving and are just plain happy that they aren’t the one giving the presentation.  So relax, and give  yourself some credit.

2. Get Organized and Stay Focused
Although we live in a time when multitasking is a highly valued skill, this is  not the time to engage in it.  You can’t be delivering a presentation and having a running commentary on how you’re doing at the same time. There is plenty of time after to evaluate how well you did later. Put all of  your concentration on the here and now. The best way to stay focused is to organize your ideas and then commit to your organization.  The time you put into preparation pays off.

3.  Leave Them Wanting More
Probably the biggest mistake that speakers make is saying too much.  My rule is no more than three main ideas. When people are listening to a  presentation they only have one chance to hear what you’re saying and  half the time they aren’t paying close attention.  So don’t bombard your  audience with a million little details. Too much information overwhelms the listener. Remember…leave them wanting more.

4.  Speak From Your Heart
Think about the most compelling speaker you have heard.  I bet you couldn’t tell me much about what they said, but you could tell me how they made you feel. Our world is already filled with enough trivia, so don’t add to it.  Talk about topics that matter to you, and ask yourself why your  audience should care. Even if you’re delivering a report, ask yourself why the information should matter to those listening. More importantly, when  you speak from your heart you are more compelling… and that’s what people will remember.

5.  Face Your Fears
Have you noticed the more you see your dentist the better your teeth become?  The same holds true for public speaking.  You can’t get better by avoiding it.  The more you force yourself to speak in front of others, the better you will get.  With a set of skill builders and practice, everyone can  actually feel better about public speaking. 

CONSIDER THIS:  There are very few public speakers who were born great, in fact, without practice and training people rarely become good at anything.  Most of us had to put our time in to get satisfying results. You didn’t become good at roofing or selling without some time and effort on your part and the same is true for speaking. Even as a speech coach and teacher I have my share of, “I can’t believe that I did that” stories. 

NOW…Imagine yourself speaking in front of others and walking away feeling good because it went just fine… better than fine.  You were organized, relaxed, and you spoke from your heart.  It can happen. It takes determination and work, but the end result makes the journey worth while.

“I just finished my last In Your Own Words class and wanted to let you know what a great class this was for me. It really did change my life. I was terrified of speaking in front of large groups and this class put all those fears to rest. I learned some great techniques for controlling my fear and anxiety. I am also so thankful for learning the proper structure of a presentation. I will apply these tools on a daily basis I’m sure. Thanks for this great opportunity!”

- Susan Vigland, Human Resources, Hagerty Insurance

- Megan Raphael, Co-Director, National Writers Series of Traverse City
Award-winning author, The Courage Code

Before I lead us in prayer, I would like to say share a few thoughts.

Today you will hear the stories of my Grandmother’s life. Some of her journeys as a girl, then a young woman, a wife, a mother, and finally as a grandmother; but for a few minutes, I would like to share with you the moment when my Grandmother passed away.

During the time we waited for her strong willed body to finally lay it’s self to rest, there was always a family member there… holding and kissing her hands, running their fingers through her hair, and fussing over if she was comfy enough. The beautiful part is that all of her children were there telling childhood stories, laughing, weeping, and supporting each other through their time of need.

I read a saying once that said, “friends are God’s apology for family.” This may be true at times but it sure wasn’t the case here. I can say one thing for this family… when tragedy strikes, we all unite for comfort and a loving shoulder to cry on. I sure hope that when I pass, my boys show me the honor that Grandma’s children have given her.

Through all of this there is one special person I really want to capture… my Uncle Stanley.

Stanley never left his Mother’s side. We even had a hard time convincing him that it was alright to please go and brush his teeth! He stood next to her side frequently letting her know that she was loved, a wonderful Mother, and that we were all there with her. When her moment came, he was the only one with her and it warms my heart to the core to know that he wasn’t robbed of that very special moment. My Aunt Jane said it so true “we know Mom was waiting for her and Stanley to be alone, because that’s the way she would have wanted it.”

Grandma, as your grandchild I will miss your sugar coated pancakes and snuggles wrapped up in a towel after a bath when you would rock me singing, “I love you a bushel and a peck.” And now I can even say I will miss the “huge” hand made underwear you always sewed for us as children.

After everything is said and done, I sure hope there was a huge Madre Gras parade waiting for your grand arrival into heaven… “You bet your dirty neck I do.”

You’re experiencing “the blithering idiot babbles” also known as the “I can’t shut my mouth syndrome.” Don’t worry it’s a pretty common condition, most people have been afflicted at some point or another.

So what to do? Try this; Narrow what you’re talking about down to no more than two or three ideas.

Here’s how it might sound:

When responding to a question begin with: “I have two thoughts on that topic,”

When you called the meeting try starting off with: “Thanks for meeting with me; I wanted to go over three proposals.”

Keep your ideas organized and clean, and remember a good idea well communicated naturally leaves people wanting more.

- Tom Clynes, Contributing Editor, National Geographic Adventure

• Be visually interesting and engaging.
• Get organized, stay organized, and speak your organization.
• Have something worthwhile to say, and say it with passion.
• Connect to your audience. Think about what they need and want.
• Be memorable.

The reason:

We have what’s called “thought speed” this is where our brains process information about three times faster than we speak. In essence, we have the ability to finish someone’s sentence and drift off into other subjects of greater importance, (such as what we need to pick up from the store,) way before the person actually finishes their idea.

The bottom line:

It makes us lazy listeners. Instead of using that “thought speed” time more productively by controlling our desire to drift and daydream while others our speaking, we usually just spend that time thinking about what we are going to say next.

In public speaking, the same problem occurs. Our brains can finish our thoughts much faster than we speak, allowing us to race ahead or to start engaging in self-talk. The problem is that our brains really can’t be in two places at once, at least not with respect to communication. As soon as any of us leave the present conversation, we have broken our concentration. More than any other reason, this is why people get lost when they are speaking in front of other. Not because they don’t know how to finish ideas but because they allowed their thoughts to race ahead.

A strategy:

Maintain your concentration on the very real here and now. Pay attention to how often you drift and daydream while others are speaking and challenge yourself to come back to the present.